


Just Take Me, Just Take Me Home

by Pseudthisyafucks (collettephinz)



Series: A Million Miles [3]
Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: AU for my own fic, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, Not Beta Read, Read at Your Own Risk, but also read after WIS, cause it won't make sense otherwise, very very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 18:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17208515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/collettephinz/pseuds/Pseudthisyafucks
Summary: “I wasn’t here,” Jack said, his voice scraping the edges of normalcy. “Fucking christ, Felix, I know I-I keep saying that, but I can’t fucking escape the fact that I could’ve come back here to a fucking corpse of you.”





	Just Take Me, Just Take Me Home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Klarisza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klarisza/gifts).



> And it hasn't hurt you yet  
> And this is your home now so don't you forget  
> Is it love you regret?  
> In that case you won't be returning, I guess  
> Darling, your eyes are so still when you speak  
> Do they weep?  
> And darling, you just haven't spoken all week
> 
> \- "Milk Teeth," Keaton Henson

The house hadn’t changed.

Jack almost wished it had. Looking up at his childhood home from the car window, seeing how the windows still reflected the same warm light, with the ivy growing up the shuttered, white sides—it felt too much like no time had passed when, in reality, Jack hadn’t been in this home in over two years. He’d changed way more than the house had, and he wished it showed in the home like it did in his face. In his body. His hair.

“It’s too bad your cousin Emma moved to Atlanta,” his mother said idly. “We would have loved to have seen her again.”

Jack’s home was in the middle of a tiny spot of suburbia in Athens, Georgia. The trees surrounded his home, acting as a secondary fence between properties, and the yards were huge for all the houses. Someone had still been caring for their front lawn, that much Jack could tell. He looked down the grass, into the next lawn, and saw that it was much worse off. The house next door looked like it was falling apart. Good. Maybe that meant he’d moved away.

Jack shouldered his backpack and climbed out of the car. He stared up at the house and suddenly felt an uncomfortable chill running up his back. This was his home. This was supposed to be his home. But he could see through the second story window that looked into his room and saw the old curtains. He felt dizzy. This wasn’t his home. He’d ran away from this place, not for the reason in front of him, but for another. It was an act of abandonment. He had no right to call this his home.

School hadn’t changed either, but he made a friend. A boy sitting beside him with bright red hair to offset his own green, likely an attempt and cleverness by the teacher who had quickly and easily changed his name from Seán to Jack on the roster. Mark seemed smart, seemed kind, seemed worlds better than what Jack deserved. And Mark seemed eager to make Jack feel at home in a place that should be Jack’s home, but wasn’t anymore. 

“You can use my computer!” Mark offered excitedly after learning Jack didn’t have WiFi in his home yet to complete the class’ homework. “My friends, Tyler and Ethan, they come over for LAN parties after school. You can totally join us and do some online work. I’ll help you out so it’ll get done twice as fast, and then you can play with us.”

“A fuckin’ LAN party?” Jack snorted a laugh. “Haven’t heard of one of those since the early 2000s.”

“We like to keep the old traditions alive,” Mark said waving him off. “Come with me after school. I’ll be outside, at the flagpole.”

Jack bit his lip. “… Got a phone?”

They traded numbers. That was the second fastest friend Jack had ever made. He met Mark at the flagpole, hitched a ride to Mark’s home, met his mother, met Mark’s friends, and denied himself the temptation of asking after a certain blond boy that Jack swore up and down he never wanted to see again.

. . .

He was happy to be unrecognized.

Maybe it was the green hair, maybe it was the lack of his annoying laugh, maybe it was because he didn’t have a certain blond at his side. Jack didn’t know what the reason why, but no one recognized him as that dorky kid Seán who ate bugs if you dared him and it was a good thing. It was. Jack had wanted to be forgotten.

He wanted to be forgotten.

Jack peaked a glance into Mr. Olinky’s biology lab. It was the science course he’d had before leaving. He looked to his old desk, the same two-person long table as all other desks. There was a boy and a girl sitting where he and the other boy should have been. The new boy was tugging gently at the girl’s hair. After a second of what Jack had thought was petty teasing, the girl turned in her seat, facing away, and the boy started to braid her hair. Jack looked down at the desk and saw his initials written next to another set of letters. SM and FK. As the boy braided the girl’s hair, his elbow knocked some papers, and the initials were hidden from Jack’s sight.

Forgotten.

Just like Jack had been. Like Jack was.

It was a good thing.

He’d wanted to be forgotten.

He prayed to god everyone had forgotten the other boy too, that he was gone for good, that Jack would never have to hear his name or see his face again. Jack prayed that boy was gone and never to be seen again. Jack ran into Mark and Mark brought him to his table for lunch and Jack made even more friends to help replace the old one.

“Dessine-moi un mouton!” Amy giggled, in one a joke that Ethan wasn’t.

“I’ll just draw you an elephant instead,” Mark said as a compromise. As he started to scribble, Ethan looked over his shoulder with a frown.

“That just looks like a hat,” Ethan said. Again, he wasn’t in on the joke and he’d likely never read the book. Ethan didn’t seem like the type to take a French class.

“Pretty sure it’s a snake,” Jack commented idly. Mark grinned up at him and that was when Jack realized he was officially in on the joke. Mark started to draw a box, then drew the holes in the box.

“There’s your sheep, Amy,” he told the girl.

Ethan scrunched his nose up. “Are you guys fucking with me?”

“Remember that time I knocked you off the wall?” Amy asked Mark, seemingly ignoring Ethan. “You had that cute scarf on and everything. And Kathryn had that plane. Were we at the dunes?”

“There aren’t dunes in Georgia,” Ethan said a little helplessly.

“Albany,” Jack told him with a snort. “The Albany sand dunes. In Georgia. And the Ohoopee dunes.”

“Jesus, you really did live here,” Amy said.

“Why would I lie about that?” They seemed to think Jack was still an unknown, a truly new student when, in fact, everyone at this table was likely more new than him. Jack had grown up in this town, whether he’d been absent or not. If he didn’t recognize these faces, it was their testament to being estranged, not Jack.

“I wanna keep this amazing work of art,” Mark said, putting his scribble-covered napkin into his messenger bag. “For whenever someone tries to say that I can’t draw. Make them eat their words. Drew a whole sheep and elephant on this thing. Take that, Mrs. Sandreos.”

“Mrs. Sandreos gave you an A in art class,” Kathryn reminded him.

“She gave everyone an A,” Ethan snickered.

Jack saw a flash of blond hair in his peripherals and tensed, steeling himself for the moment. He turned but saw it wasn’t him. It was some girl with a really short skirt and stunning golden hair. It wasn’t him. He wanted to ask. Needed to ask. He needed to make sure he was forgotten.

“Do you guys know a Felix?” he asked. The question slipped from his lips before he could think any better. He shouldn’t have asked because he knew that either answer he could be given would send his heart into palpitations and his mind stumbling with anxiety. He was anxious right fucking now. He didn’t want to know about Felix. He hadn’t even said his name aloud in at least a year.

“Felix Kjellberg?” Mark asked with a frown. “No idea. Who is that?”

“Sounds familiar,” Kathryn said. 

Jack was sure what he was feeling now was relief. Felix had moved away, right? He’d left this torn like Jack had, he’d moved on and rebuilt his life however he’d manage to do that. Of course, Jack was a little selfish. He was sure Felix had a much harder time moving on than Jack had. Jack was spiteful in his pain, the ache in his chest and discovering Felix was actually gone. That Felix had abandoned him and Athens. But Jack swore that he was also relieved. 

“Just wondering,” Jack said, sitting back in his seat and forcing himself to relax. “No one important.”

. . .

“I’ll give you a ride,” Mark said as they walked from the school after the final bell.“Car’s over there. I’m gonna pick up some Jimmy John’s on the way home. What do you like?”

Jack slid into the passenger seat and resolutely faced away from the crowd of kids all clambering to get home. “Fuckin’ love me some avocados.”

Mark chuckled as he got in the car and turned it on, switching it into gear. “Number 12 it is. Try not to eat it all before we get back. You’ve still got some homework to do. And you’ve got to meet Tyler.”

As Mark pulled the car out of the parking lot, Jack saw a flash of blond and pink.

His heart raced as recognition flared in his mind. But he stomped down the feeling and told himself that it wasn’t Felix— just another girl. It couldn't be Felix. It wasn’t Felix. They were out of the campus parking lot before Jack could turn to make sure that it wasn’t Felix, because Felix had moved away. It couldn’t be him. It was just that stupid part in Jack that hoped for the impossible. The stupid, idiotic side that couldn’t learn from its mistakes, couldn’t learn from the pain. The part of Jack that loved to suffer. 

He was happy Felix was gone. He was relieved. He was finally at peace. Jack could move on and be who he was always supposed to be, defining himself beyond Felix as he’d done back in Ireland, with Robin. Jack was his own person, an entire human being. Fuck Felix for being so deep in Jack’s psyche and skin that, for the longest time, Jack hadn’t known who he was after running away. And fuck Felix for making him feel bad for having to run. 

There was a memory in the back of his mind, of Felix standing with him on a river’s edge, entwining their pinkies, promising that he would never, ever leave Jack. But look what Felix had done? He’d left Jack behind, regardless of any promise he’d made.

Jack was going to have fun with his new friends and forget Felix just as everyone else had.

. . .

Jack didn’t end up doing his homework. He watched Tyler, Ethan, and Mark play Overwatch Ranked. They were so serious as they played, handing out orders to one another, debating which character to play, and screaming expletives at the other teammates. Jack had never played with friends before, only random, faceless voices online. He loved video games. He just didn’t have anyone to play with. Felix…

Jack didn’t let himself think about it. Instead, he looked over Mark’s shoulder and watched them escort the payload with practiced skill. Mark had a Diamond level. Pretty fucking impressive, especially since Jack was only Gold and had logged over two hundred hours on Overwatch. Then again, those were weak numbers compared to others.

“Dorito me,” Mark said, opening his mouth. Jack snorted a laugh and shoved a handful of Doritos past Mark’s lips. It was a sort of thing he’d been having Jack do. It was mildly entertaining— Jack was adding more chips each time, wanting to see how much would be too much before Mark would end up choking on something.

“Dew me!” Tyler called out. Jack grabbed a can of Mt. Dew and threw it at Tyler’s chair. That was the furthest he would go. Tyler caught it anyways. Jack had just met these guys, but they’d already bonded pretty well over the shared addiction.

“So you guys do this a lot?” Jack asked. “Like, once a week? Or what?”

“Whenever we can,” Ethan said, eyes trained on his screen. “Could you had me my sandwich? Please?”

Jack liked Ethan’s politeness. He eagerly handed over the sandwich.

The match ended and all three sat back from their screens with synchronized sighs of relief. 

“I think I remember you,” Tyler said suddenly. “You live down by the Grit, right? By the university hubbub.”

“No, I don’t,” Jack instantly lied. Mark and Ethan both frowned at each other. They’d been there for the truth. They knew Jack was lying through his teeth. “I actually live by the Varsity. Nowhere near the Grit.”

“Why does everyone relate their neighborhood to the nearest restaurant?” Ethan asked with a nervous chuckle, like he wanted to make Jack stop lying without calling him out. Just cut the lie short by a change of topic. “I mean, I live by the McDonald’s, and that’s what I tell people, but… Like, we’re really unoriginal.”

“Food’s important,” Mark said, taking Ethan’s bait and running with it. “I love me a good Big Mac.”

“How the fuck do you eat like that and keep arms like yours?” Ethan demanded. Jack was a little impressed with how well they were moving with this conversation. Further and further from the original topic with every sentence. “You have abs of steal and the diet of an obese woman who lives with ten cats! It’s not fair, Mark. I can’t even gain weight if I shoveled lard down my throat.”

“Fucking disgusting,” Tyler snorted. “At least add a little salt.”

“We could switch to League,” Mark suggested. “Plenty of salt there.”

“Wouldn’t need salt on anything for the rest of my life,” Ethan agreed.

“You guys are fucking lame,” Tyler said. “Why don’t we have beer again?” Jack could use a beer.

“Because I’ll die,” Mark said.

“Because Mark will die,” Ethan repeated.

“Were you the guy who got caught making out with another guy by the counselor?” Tyler asked Jack suddenly. Everyone else in the room froze. “She started, like, screaming that you were going to hell. That was you, right?”

Jack stared at him with wide eyes, caught in the headlights, waiting for his guts to be splattered across the road.

“Tyler,” Mark began cautiously, but Jack interrupted him.

“That was me.”

He remembered the day so vividly that it still gave him cold sweats of panic in the middle of the night. The shrill scream of the older woman, telling him he was disgusting, that he was as good as dead, that no god would ever love him. Jack didn’t even believe in a god, but the words had stuck in his mind like nails in his skull. He remembered the fear and the shame and the white hot realization that he was disgusting, they were disgusting. And so he had ran away and never looked back. Until now.

“Jack, it’s…” Ethan trailed off, like he didn’t know what to say. Tyler was watching him closely.

“You left after that,” Tyler said. “Seán, right? No one ever saw you again.” Tyler paused. “You know she got fired, right?”

Jack hadn’t known that.

“We may be in the south, but we’re not backwoods, bible-thumping freaks,” Tyler said. “I don’t know you that well. Never knew you before you left, either. But dude, I really, really don’t give a shit if you’re gay. Okay? And no one else really well. Like, it doesn’t fucking matter. It’s just a thing. That’s it. She got fired for a reason.”

Jack took in a shaky breath, then let it out in a gust of relief. “Yeah,” he agreed. “Just a thing.”

“So you are gay?” Mark asked, looking almost excited. Maybe he’d never met someone who was gay before, or maybe he was just delighted to know more about Jack. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“I did back in Ireland,” Jack said, steadfastly ignoring the flash of blond in his memories. “His name’s Robin.”

“That’s cute!” Ethan gasped. “Robin, from Ireland. Robin and Jack. Do you guys still keep in touch? Is this a long distance thing? Those are always so sad.”

Jack shook his head. “We broke up when I left.” And honestly, he’d felt freed. Lightened. Robin was just a reminder of what he couldn’t have, at his own fault. Robin had been a good boyfriend and an amazing friend, but he’d only acted as a buffer between Jack and the things he didn’t want to remember.

“I’m sorry for that,” Mark said. “At least you don’t have to see him everyday.”

True. Jack just had to see someone else. Someone worse. “So what happened with Felix?” He wanted to know if the house beside his own was something to avoid.

Tyler frowned. “Felix? Why?”

“He was— I, I don’t know if ye’ know, but he was the guy I was under the stairs with.” Jack cut his eyes away, feeling sick, but somehow assured in what little trust he had already nurtured with these boys. They wouldn’t ruin him for this and it wasn’t like he could out Felix after Felix had moved away. “It was my first kiss,” Jack told them. “And he took it. And then I left cause that woman was threatenin’ hell fire. I just— I wanna know what happened with him. Why he left. Maybe even where.” It was a sick sort of morbid curiosity, but Jack needed to satiate himself. He looked back to Tyler, expecting an answer. But Tyler looked—

“Felix didn’t move,” Tyler told him. 

“Didn’t he?” Mark asked. “I’ve never heard of him.”

“Felix didn’t move,” Tyler repeated. “He died in a car accident last year.”

The floor dropped out from beneath Jack’s feet. 

He stopped breathing for a moment. 

He just stared.

There was a memory in the back of his mind, of Felix standing with him on a river’s edge, entwining their pinkies, promising that he would never, ever leave Jack. His hand had been warm and his smile like the sun. The water had been running, but it couldn’t drown out the rushing of Jack’s blood in his ears as he fell in love with his best friend when he was far too young to even understand love in the first place.

Felix was dead.

 

What was Jack—

“Where is he?” Jack asked.

“Dude, I’m sorry,” Tyler said, looking a little sick himself. “But he’s—”

“I need t’ see him.”

Tyler cut himself off, looking to Mark for a moment, whose eyes were wild with distress. Jack could barely see them through this distortion that he realized were tears. He was crying in front of people he barely knew because Felix—

“Take me t’ him,” Jack choked out. “I won’t believe it. I need t’ see it.”

There was silence before Tyler said, “I know where he is. I can tell Mark. Or do you want us to come?” He hesitated. “I don’t think you do. I’m suggesting Mark because he has a car. I don’t— I don’t know what to do. Was he really that same kid?”

“Tell me where he is,” Jack said, so close to begging through his tears. “I’ll catch a bus.”

“No you won’t,” Mark said, standing, abandoning the game and the others to grab his keys. “Tyler, where is he?”

“Oconee Hill Cemetery,” Tyler said, watching Jack like he was expecting Jack to fall apart at anymore moment. Jack wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, it wasn’t like Jack could believe this. Not yet. Not until he saw, not until he felt the dirt beneath his hands, not until he saw the cursed stone that would mark the end of Jack’s—

Jack wasn’t supposed to care. He wasn’t supposed to care. He was a person beyond Felix. He just needed to see the grave so he could be sure— be sure that he was free.

That was it.

Jack just needed to make sure he was free. 

Nothing else.

He didn’t remember getting in Mark’s car or the drive to the cemetery, but he remembered the flash of the sun between the trees and the warmth of the light on his face. Jack remembered long car rides with Felix slumped against his side, sleeping with his head on Jack’s shoulder, only ever able to fall asleep like that when it was him. The touch of Felix’s body to his, the way he’d fall into Jack, so trusting and sincere in his vulnerability. And Jack had—

Oconee Hill Cemetery was a peaceful sight, with trees surrounding ancient headstones and silent processions ages away that Jack had always prayed he’d never be able to relate to until he was old and on his own. Mark parked the car and Jack realized he didn’t know where Felix was. 

Something caught in his throat.

Out of all of this, how could Jack not know where Felix was?

Mark disappeared from Jack’s side, going into some building, leaving Jack standing there and staring at the headstones. 

It was beautiful.

Rays of light drifting between branches and leaves, brushing the realm of the dead with a bit more quiet life. Countless people had walked these aisles and wished that the dead could come back to life. Jack didn’t know if he wanted that, but he did know that he wanted— he wanted Felix to feel warmth again. 

It wasn’t real yet.

There was a touch to Jack’s elbow, Mark returning to his side with such silence that Jack jumped. Mark said something, a blur of sound in Jack’s ears, then started to pull. Jack followed because he didn’t know what else to do. The grass gave way beneath his feet, soft from the morning’s rain. They passed countless headstones that bore names, some legible, some worn away. 

Felix’s home had been uncared for. Neglected and empty. His parents didn’t live here anymore. Was Felix’s grave abandoned too?

Jack suddenly couldn’t move.

“Jack,” Mark coaxed gently, tugging. “Come on. You need to see your friend.”

Friend?

Felix was so much more than a friend.

Felix was so much _more._

Mark led him deeper into the cemetery and the sun wasn’t as warm anymore. Then Mark stopped, and Jack looked around, expecting to see Felix’s name, but instead saw that Mark was looking to a particular grave that— a man was standing in front of.

The man turned away from the headstone he was staring at and looked to them with a sharp glare. He had a strong beard and dark eyes and a beanie, dressed in dark colors. “What do you want?” he asked, his accent British, though Jack didn’t know where from exactly. 

“Brad, right?” Mark asked. “Brad Smith. You’re the friend of that kid who went missing— Michael.”

“He still is missing,” Brad snapped, barring his teeth. “He’ll be missing till we find him. Why are you disturbing me?”

“We—” Mark cut himself off. Then, “I’m sorry. My friend— he wanted to see Felix’s grave.”

Brad’s dark eyes snapped onto Jack and Jack wished he could launch himself into one of these graves for more reasons than one. “Who are you?”

“I just said—”

“Seán,” Seán choked out, suddenly unable to swallow around the lie. “I’m— I’m Seán.”

For a moment, Seán almost thought Felix had never mentioned him before. But then Brad sneered, this look of absolute hatred marring his face. There was something so unbelievably broken, something that didn’t belong in the face of a man so young. 

“You have no right to be here,” Brad said. 

“I know I don’t,” Seán agreed, his breath hitching. “I’m so— I’m so sorry.”

“You have no idea what you did to him,” Brad continued. “I buried him— did you know that? I carried the casket with his father and our friend Michael and that was it. His fuckin’ mother never showed. It was the three of us putting him in the ground. And you know what? Even when my fucking chest was aching because I had to bury my best friend on top of everything else, I was happy that he didn’t have to live with the pain of what you did to him. His death was a mercy.”

Seán felt his heart crumble into the ground, six feet under, with Felix, where it belonged. There was nothing he could say, nothing that would fix this. Felix was gone and Seán hadn’t been here. Three people had carried the casket. It should have been four. Seán should have made it four.

“I loved him,” Seán whispered. “I still do.”

Brad reared back like Seán had slapped him and looked away. “Fuckin’ do what you want,” he said. “I have to— I’m leaving. I can’t be in this town anymore. If you really love him, you’ll look after this place. It’s the least you owe him.”

Seán didn’t want to be here anymore. Not by this grave, not in the cemetery, not in this town, not in this life. He didn’t want to be here anymore. “I will,” he swore, knowing he could never leave this town again. It would be his home for the rest of his life because he couldn’t abandon this grave— he couldn’t abandon Felix again. 

“I’ve lost everything,” Brad told him as he started to take steps away from the grave. “I don’t think I can lose much else. So don’t you dare let this grave be one of those things.” Brad looked Seán dead in the eye, boring into Seán’s empty being. “Don’t you dare let him down.”

“I won’t,” Seán promised. He felt the warmth of a small pinky entwined with his and heard he rushing of a river and his blood in his ears. “I won’t leave him.”

Brad nodded, looked past Seán to someone else— Mark— and then there were footsteps, and Seán was alone. 

He couldn’t do it.

Yes he could.

He couldn’t.

But he had to.

Seán turned and looked at the headstone. 

_Felix Kjellberg  
October 21, 2000 - August 18, 2017_

Seán collapsed, his knees hitting the dirt, his lungs emptying in a rush that made him dizzy, teeth sinking into his tongue so he tasted blood. 

Beneath him laid the boy he loved. 

Seán couldn’t breathe, but he had to say something.

“I love you,” he told the headstone. “I should have said so ages ago. I think I did, but never enough. And I should have told ye’. I should have told ye’ when it mattered, when I kissed you. When I ruined yer life for good. When I ruined everything. And I am so sorry for lying to myself and saying I wanted ye’ gone. It couldn’t be further from the truth. I’d give anything t’ have ye’ back. I’d give anything t’ feel the warmth of ye’ again.” Seán choked on his tears and trembled. 

“Ye’ didn’t deserve this,” he wrenched from his throat. “I don’t know what ye’ve been through without me, but it was _without me._ I broke our promise. I broke that promise I made years ago and I left ye’ behind. You deserved so much better than me. You deserved t’ live and feel the warmth. And I wish— I wish I had told ye’ that. And I wish I had told ye’ I loved you. And I wish I wasn’t talking t’ a grave, and I—”

Seán cut off with a sob, then readied himself to say his peace. Only for today, though. He’d be back tomorrow. And the next day. And every day for the rest of his life because that was what Seán owed Felix and what Felix deserved. 

“I wish it had been me,” Seán said. “Only so you could feel the sun on yer skin like I feel it now.” He sobbed again. “It’s so cold without ye’, Felix. It all feels so cold.”

Seán didn’t know how long he sat in front of that grave, but he couldn’t feel his legs for the longest time and only moved when he heard his bastard false name being called. 

Seán stood, memorized where Felix was resting, and turned to Mark. The other boy looked sorry when he said, “I have to be home for dinner.” Seán understood that. It wasn’t like Mark knew Felix. It wasn’t like he knew what Felix and Seán had shared. It wasn’t like anyone could understand what Seán had lost after willfully relinquishing. 

Seán had been selfish. He’d tried to come back, like he thought he could. Like he could lord his improvement over Felix and prove he was better. The world had spat in Seán’s face for his selfishness and done away with Felix entirely. And that just wasn’t fair to Felix at all. But then again, it didn’t seem like life had ever been kind to Felix in the first place.

Maybe Brad Smith had been right. Maybe Felix’s death had been some form of mercy. 

“Jack?” Mark prompted softly. “Are you ready?”

“Just take me home.”

When Mark took Seán back and dropped Seán off in front of his home, Seán looked to the empty home beside his own and remembered—

Remembered helping his parents pack the car.

Remembered climbing into the back of the car and listening to his parents start the engine while Seán had touched his lips and tried to forget the memory of the biggest mistake he’d ever made. He’d promised to himself he wouldn’t look back, but Seán was good at breaking his promises.

Seán remembered looking back and seeing Felix standing in the middle of the road, watching the car leave, looking small and alone and ruined. Standing in the road like he didn’t care if a car hit him. Standing in the road with tears down his face, lips forming Seán’s name, useless and wasted breath, because Seán wasn’t going to turn back no matter how much Felix begged.

That was how Seán had left him.

And that was the last time Seán had ever seen Felix.

Seán looked at that empty house and knew he didn’t want to be here anymore. Seán didn’t want to live in the memory of what he’d lost. But this place his home and he couldn’t forget. He wouldn’t abandon Felix ever again.


End file.
